Give Me Closure

One of the most famous slogans of the Sixties counter-culture was: ‘Tune in, turn on and drop out’. It perfectly suited the alternative thinking and rebellion against mainstream society that so many people of the era espoused, but it makes pretty poor advice here and now if you’re one of the millions of people looking for a new partner or soulmate.

And that’s why I have rewritten the slogan in the headline of this article. If you’re searching for love, you definitely need to ‘tune in and turn on’, but the key really is the last part: ‘don’t drop out!’

Why? Let me give you an example: my friend Greg. Greg is in his early 40s. He is outgoing, intelligent, handsome and keeps himself in good shape. Greg has a high-paying job, owns his home, is a great conversationalist and has an excellent sense of humour. In short, Greg’s the type of guy you’d think would have no trouble meeting women.

But Greg has been single for a long time and he often complains to me that he never seems to meet anyone. My answer to his gripe is simple: you’ve dropped out! Greg rarely goes out during the week or on weekends – in fact, his usual activity is to come home from work and play video games until it’s time for bed. And on the weekends, his biggest outing is to the local shopping centre for a coffee and a newspaper.

We all know how easy it can be to get caught in routines in our day-to-day lives, but routines like the ones that Greg goes through are absolutely no good for your social life. And you need to be social to meet people, including that next partner.

There is a whole range of things you can do to change those unhelpful patterns of routine and tune in and turn on to the social whirl. Join a sporting club or community group, or volunteer for a local charity – you’ll be doing something worthwhile and spending time with people who share your interests.

Get out and about. Is there a concert, art show, expo or other such event happening soon in your community? Well, get yourself along to it. You’re not going to meet the love of your life (although stranger things have happened) but the social contact will be fantastic.

If you are a little shy, practice conversing with people. Take it slow at first – try starting up a conversation with the person next to you on the bus, or with the guy or girl who serves your morning cappuccino. Conversation is an art that needs to be learned and the only way to learn is to practice with as many different people as possible. It won’t always be successful, but just suck it up and move on – don’t stop trying.

The important point with all this is social contact. Like Greg, you are never going to meet that special someone by staying home all the time. Even those people who use online dating sites have to eventually make face-to-face contact with those they are interested in. You can send all the kisses, winks and emails you like, but a relationship is never going to go anywhere unless you actually meet the other person in the flesh.

Dave Steffens is the owner of and runs www.datingonlinecanada.ca. Dave also likes to construct content for articles and blogs across several websites that relate to free dating sites in Canada, dating advice and dating online